


the space between is just a dream

by CapriciousCrab



Series: dream, baby, dream [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Haunting, M/M, Nobody is Dead, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 07:44:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab
Summary: He feels the air becoming charged, that electric zing in the air that lifts the hair on his body and causes goose-flesh to ripple along his arms. He holds his breath as he hears footsteps manifesting in the hall, creeping closer to his door.





	the space between is just a dream

He doesn't remember how he got here.

 

Phil drifts through the cold, lifeless flat on autopilot and stops at the fireplace. His blue eyes are dull and red-rimmed, filled with a sorrow nearly unbearable. As he looks at the plants littering the room and the cards lining the mantle, he wants to scream. He hates them, these sympathetic words and floral expressions of love and loss, for being a constant reminder of what's missing.

He clenches his fists and spins away. He's dangerously close to losing control and tearing the cards into tiny pieces, to shredding leaves and ripping petals. Anything to release this burning he feels in his throat and in his chest, a precursor to a wild crying jag he won't be able to control. He sinks to his knees in the middle of the room and buries his hands in his face as the tide of his grief swells and breaks. He sobs wildly, his broken cries echoing in the empty room as he rocks himself for the comfort he'll never find.

 

**

Time has no meaning for him now. Phil finds himself wandering from room to room in a fog, always searching, always hoping that around the next corner Dan's familiar face will come into view. He's avoiding the phone calls he's been getting and is only texting certain people enough to keep them from coming to check on him. Phil has no desire to socialize, he doesn't want hugs and pats on the back or meaningless but well-meaning words of false comfort. He just wants to be left alone here in the flat they had made a home.

The hours become days, the days turning into weeks, and the red-hot blade called heartbreak is still twisting in his chest. He re-watches every anime Dan had enjoyed and listens to every playlist on Dan's Spotify, desperate to keep the familiarity of Dan with him always. He's terrified that somehow he'll forget the little things about Dan that he fell in love with. So he surrounds himself in everything that was Dan and lets himself drift.

 

**

Phil's lying in their bed trying to will himself to sleep. He can't remember when he last ate and he knows that he's teetering on the edge of a breakdown but he can't muster up the energy to care. He's finally sunk into a numbness so vast, so consuming that he closes his eyes and wishes for a peace he's afraid he'll never find. He's still and silent in the big empty bed they use to share. He remembers how they used to wrestle and tumble across it like puppies at play and his lips turn up in the tiniest of smiles. He misses that so much, he longs for the feeling of Dan's long, lean body against his.

His hair ruffles suddenly, ghostly fingers carding through his fringe to press lightly against his scalp. Phil jackknifes upright, back pressed against the headboard as he frantically looks around the room. The room is just as empty as it was but now it's filled with an anticipatory energy, like a storm building in the distance.

 

“Hello?”

 

His whisper comes out shaky and cracked, his voice rusty with disuse. The answering silence mocks him and he scrubs his hands over his face, berating himself for being a fool.

 

**

Phil stares at his face in the mirror as the water heats in the shower behind him. Sorrow sits heavy on his face, thinning it and making his cheekbones even more prevalent than they used to be. Dark shadows under his eyes and dry, cracked lips paint a picture of a man in mourning. He turns away from himself in disgust and steps into the hot water. The heat seeps into his bones and provides a temporary comfort he hasn't felt in so long. He leans against the shower wall and watches the steam curl and rise, filling the bathroom with a foggy mist. He lets his mind drift for a while before finishing his shower, feeling nearly drunk with exhaustion.

It's not until he's toweling himself dry that he sees it, catching at the corner of his eye. He takes a step back, colliding with the shower door, and stares at the mirror in front of him. He shivers in the warmth of the room as he reads the message left in Dan's distinctive handwriting:

 

_I will return to you_

 

**

Phil trembles under the duvet, listening to the flat descend into silence around him. He feels the air becoming charged, that electric zing in the air that lifts the hair on his body and causes goose-flesh to ripple along his arms. He holds his breath as he hears footsteps manifesting in the hall, creeping closer to his door. Phil lets his eyes drift shut as he hears the rattle of the door, the quiet squeak of the hinge as it swings open. All the air punches from his lungs when he finally hears that beloved voice, breaking the silent tension in the room.

 

“ _Phil...”_

 

His eyes snap open and for a moment he's grief-stricken and confused, lost in the dream. He feels a sob rising in his throat and instinctively tries to curl into himself, bewildered when his way is blocked by what he slowly recognizes as a warm, familiar weight. He turns his head toward his shoulder and is met by a sweetly scented mop of frowsy curls. He presses his face into them, muffling the broken sound that escapes his lips. As he breathes in the scent of Dan's shampoo and sleep-warmed body, he pulls him even closer and presses his chest to Dan's, calmed by the way their hearts beat in harmony. Dan lets out a sleepy complaint before settling deeper into the mattress, letting Phil move him about to his satisfaction, and nestles the side of his face into his pillow. Phil stares at the face he loves and feels his wild emotions settle. He hooks his leg over Dan's hip and drifts back to sleep, the space between them just a dream.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm on Tumblr, stop by and say hello!  
> capriciouscrab.tumblr.com


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